8 March Madness Guarantees

With tipoff just hours away for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, Adam Tod Brown looks at eight things guaranteed to happen in the next few weeks:

• Nobody watches the play-in game. The game was Tuesday, during Lost. Plus, he writes for FunnyCrave, “I didn’t graduate from a shitty college and don’t have a gambling problem so I have absolutely no good reason to watch.”

• CBS will make you watch a blowout while there’s an actually exciting game on. “I don’t care if it’s Devry vs. Suzanne Somers’ At Home TV/VCR Repair Academy, take me to that game, stat!”
• A Cinderella team will kill your bracket. “Doesn’t actually happen every year, but it sure as hell feels like it does.”
• A woman will win your pool. Meaning no chauvinism, Brown explains: A woman who picks “teams based on the what team has the better nickname or the best uniforms or some other form of ridiculousness that somehow aligns so perfectly that she walks away with $500 to spend on a new Coach bag. It’s infuriating.”

For more, check the link at right. (More NCAA men's basketball tournament stories.)