Heidi Wants to Save the World With '3D Boobs'

The Hills is leaving your television screen after this season—and if you think you’re heartbroken over the loss, imagine how Heidi Montag must feel. Well, actually she feels just fine: “I’m so excited The Hills is finally over,” she tells People, before moving on to the truly awe-inspiring portion of the sentence: “I can now become a full-time motion picture actress.” And the interview just keeps getting better.

She doesn’t just want to act—oh no—she wants to play “a lifeguard named Summer” in a script she wrote herself, which she describes as “the first 3D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3D boobs.” Guess who else she wants to cast in this doozy? That’s right, Dolly Parton. Arguably the best line: Montag refers to herself as a “female mogul in Hollywood.”
(More Heidi Montag stories.)