Why It's Time for McConaughey to Go Away

Matthew McConaughey is not actually as dreamy as every movie he’s ever been in makes him out to be. In fact, he’s not dreamy at all, and Christina H. offers up six reasons he should go away on Cracked:

• He looks slimy: His signature corner-of-the-mouth smile isn’t charming, it’s used-car-salesman smarmy. And what is up with “his nasty hair and his stupid beard”? He “looks like he's draped a permed bird's nest over his head that has long been abandoned by its bird family.”

• The shirtlessness is getting old: “If you were to ask the average McConaughey fan to describe him in one word, that word would probably be ‘shirtless’”—and the excuses his films use to get him undressed are getting ever more ridiculous (does anyone else disrobe before brushing teeth or making a phone call?).
• He apparently can’t stand upright: Just check out the movie posters at left for proof. “By 2020, he will have to appear in movies flat on his back, leaving him with roles like the victim in a CPR instructional video.”

For the complete list, including an introduction to his brother Rooster (yes…Rooster), click here. (More Matthew McConaughey stories.)